The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Synopsis

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor rounds out the third installment with non-stop action with the adventurous mummy killing O’Connell family. They are forced on a journey to kill an awakened diabolical Emperor who was cursed thousands of years ago, out of revenge, by a beautiful wizard. The O’Connells and crew must stop him before he becomes immortal with his Terracotta Army to deliver mayhem forever.

Review

Wait, don’t go to the theater and pay full price! Oh no…just wait until The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor comes out on video or just line it up in your Netflix queue. Funny thing is it should have gone straight to DVD anyway. Am I being rude? No, I don’t think so. If you’ve seen the other mummy/ancient artifacts flicks—Indiana Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean and National Treasurer—then you will see that this third Mummy film is a mishmash of all of them. There’s a bit of tomb raiding and guarding, mythical creatures, immortality, action fight scenes, and corny one-liners that are really starting to get on my last nerves. The type of jokes that are these unfunny one-liners are what I’m going to start calling "jive people humor."

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor starts off  2000 plus years ago with a long set up and prologue about a beautiful sorceress, Zijaun (Michelle Yeoh, Memoirs of a Geisha) who places a serious hurting on the evil Emperor Han (Jet Li, War) by cursing him instead of blessing him with immortality that she possesses. That’s what he gets for killing her man, his trusted General Ming Guo (Russell Wong, Honor). Jump ahead 2000 years to 1946 and action…now enter the O’Connells. We’ve got retired adventurer Rick O’Connell (Brandon Fraser, the other Mummy movies) and his wife Evelyn (Maria Bello, History of Violence) wandering about their mansion (wait...how'd they get paid again?) just jibber-jabbering on about nothing important while their "college-age" son (Luke Ford, Kokoda) is raiding the Emperors tomb.

What I don’t understand is why for the love of peanut M&Ms do they cast a man who is 27 years old and looks 27 to be Fraser and Bello’s son? Fraser is 39 1/2 and Bello is 41, and look it! This makes no sense to me. The whole father son relationship was just unbelievable, and the lack of chemistry made me shake my head at times. All the talented young actors out there that look 18 or 20 and they cast this barely-acting Luke dude and I don’t even know who he is. Anyone ever see Kokoda? Is it a film? A TV show? A country? A beverage?

The beat goes on, and with some story straining, dad, mom, and son all end up in China and you know from the previews that the emperor is awoken after 2000 years and he is MAD. The only ones that can lay the Mummy to rest for good like no other are the O’Connells. The action is definitely non-stop and the special effects are on point as always in these films too…from abominable snowmen to 3-headed dragons, visually The Mummy is hot.

The plot is basic and easy to follow, there’s not much thinking involved watching it. For some, that’s great…heck, we all think enough at work or school. There are some subtitles here and there, which makes sense considering China ain't English speaking. But the movie decides to allow a character to speak perfect English to recite a spell meant to rouse Chinese soldiers that have died thousands of years ago, but "keeps the realism" by interpreting someone saying "Zijaun!" with the subtitle "Zijaun!". Thanks for the help and realism, guys. I also missed some of the words because this tall big headed man sat right in front of me blocking the bottom of the screen. Ugh.

I mean, the theater was practically empty, and he chooses my viewing angle. This wouldn’t have happened if I saw the movie at the more modern day theaters, but oh no, I had to go to my OLD raggedy theater down the street from where I live. This theater is so old, I saw E.T. there. I saw The Outsiders, Muppet Babies, and the Goonies there as well. Do you know how old these movies are? This theater has those original sticky leather green seats that raise slightly up one millimeter every 6 or 7 rows and you have to look through people’s heads. Just awful!

The Mummy is border-line straight to DVD or HBO because the only thing going for it is the action and the primetime TV show 24 or Prison Break has lots of action. If you can outlast subprime acting, a mishmash of story elements, and JIVE HUMOR, give it a try. The choice is yours peoples. 

My Rating ~ 2 Reels

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